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I was house sitting and taking care of kitties this last weekend.

I missed my home.

I feel right enough here, that it felt good to be back.

Ginger and I made it to second base today! I told her about finding a lump. Her mother died of breast cancer. She asked what it looked and felt like so I offered to show her. (Why not? I sent my bff a pic in text) She said it didn’t feel “deep”.

I make calls tomorrow. I’m opting to go with cyst, but I see a fucking mammogram and biopsy in my future, neither am I thrilled with.

It was a beautiful day in Seattle today. I hope we have more of them lined up. I’m tired of winter weather. Mega doses of vitamin d-3 for the last year is not the same as a little natural sunshine. I still dream of Taos and Mexico. My body just likes it a little warmer. Ginger is laughing at me because it is 72 and I still have a zip-up hoodie on.

The Lump

A week ago I came home from work and as usual, the first thing I did was peel my bra off. For some reason, my under-wire was really bothering me. I ran my hand along the sore area and there was a large, hard and, painful lump.

Monday I will make a few phone calls. I’ve got no insurance so I am going on the cheap. In the mean time I have someone with a medical card getting me some CO2 oil.

I have only talked to three people about this. I don’t know how to tell my pseudo-daughter. She will panic and I don’t think panic is warranted. Though I am concerned, I refuse to go manifesting something that might not be. This could be anything, though it feels different from the fibroids I found in my thirties.

I will write more about this as I find out more. I’m accepting good vibes, love and positivity.

I just had to get this off my chest, pun intended.

iwc

The nicest thing said to me in the last 24 hours

“Seriously… the things that come out of that glorious fork-hole of yours are amazing.”

This was said to me by my (pseudo) daughter. I had said earlier that I wish I could take the advice that comes out of my own fork-hole as easy as I could dish it out.

It is the sweetest thing said to me in the last 24 hours, and I have had some nice things said to me, including a declaration of eternal love, but for some reason, this topped the list.

Thank you. Thank you for all the kind things you have done for me, including letting me be your momma. I am enjoying watching you play with Universe. The honor is mine.

Without prejudice

With absolute gratitude and love,

Momma

My Struggles with God (big shock, it’s religion!)

It is not that I dislike God, or the idea of God.

Creation, is a thing of beauty.

The bible says we are created in God’s image. Some people, feel that this fits the image and cannot think of God without “him” being in human form, so creation would look sort of like this:

I have a problem seeing God this way. Mostly because I don’t believe in what main-stream-for-profit religion is trying to teach sell us. My issue is that good people, who just want to do what’s good and right, have been manipulated by some pretty smart, yet unscrupulous persons who saw what a tool religion could be.

We can use it to divide and conquer!

I see division with for profit religion. I see fear, hate, submission of will and thought. Why would God want to control creation? I think God would encourage his creations to create. He would get the fuck off on a bunch of co-creators exponentially creating! What a legacy that would be.

Do you really think God or Source, as I am more comfortable saying and still cling to as my primary name, really wants us out there pushing love like this?

Seriously? This is hate, and if you go to any kind of church that promotes, condones, or uses this type of divisional tactic, you are being manipulated and used. You are masses being divided. Their holy water, has been poisoned the minute you anoint it with hate. It’s not always about the gay issue. You know…any other religion that isn’t Christian is suspect. As are people from other countries, people who are not the same color as us, people who live differently than those in the for profit and consumerism industry of God. And we shall stomp them with our boots, give them small pox blankets, or just reign war down on them.

Do you feel me? Get what I am saying?

When I think of God and creation, I think of something more like this:

I see the energy, the dust and magical “mojo” that has gone into each and every one of us.

There isn’t a lot to say to that really. It’s just what I feel and believe. I don’t accept the human hand version of God. But you are free to.

If what I see as Creation, God, Source…whatever you call it created us to be in the same image, and if we are all co-creators, then I also see Creation as this:

Is it blaspheme for me to insinuate that this could be part of Source creation? I don’t think so. I think the act and moment of creation itself is the image of God.

That last image is an embryo, prior to the act of fertilization, which can’t happen without XX and XY input.

I don’t feel it is wrong to insinuate, I have functioned as a creator. I had help. I didn’t do it alone. But I did create. God has touched me.

It’s too bad for profit religion has sullied the name for so many of us. We have had to seek out and find new terms. Well I think my last two years have been about reclaiming God. It’s kind of like how women reclaimed the word bitch, or LGBT reclaimed queer, or how African-Americans (I dislike that name as much as I dislike the name Native American) reclaimed the N word.

I’m taking God back. A deity deserves more than to be used as a tool of division. It is a personal relationship. It is more personal than any relationship I have had with a lover. So why would anyone have the right to stick their nose in it and tell me how to get it right? If I am communing with a divine being, who am I to believe, the Divine, or the for profit business who would be happy if I shit my pants with fear and let them guide my energy?

I write this without prejudice. If I have offended my creator, I will be held accountable and the liability of my words will be mine. I will continue to operate from a space of absolute gratitude and love.

Have a nice weekend!

Fix You

It is amazing to me, some of the things that come out of my own mouth. Never would I have thought even two years ago that I would be listening to things or seeing things so differently.

When I listen to this, I cannot imagine the “power of another person” fixing me. I have learned through trial and error, that there is no magic bullet in the form of a man, woman or human savior that can “fix me”.

There is only one way I can hear this song. I hear it as a personal conversation with Source Creation. God and me communicating.

How did this become the me I have always been looking for? Does that even make sense? I suppose if you’ve ever quested for answers, it may.