Monthly Archives: November 2015
I’ve slipped into silence as things started to pick up and I began to feel “better”.
I colored all my silver and took the black polish off. Red adorns my fingers and toes.
I started even feeling better about Mr. Yummy and my messed up spiderweb.
But then, about three days before “Thanksgiving”, I sort of fell again. I missed talking to her yesterday, which made me miss the last year of not having her in my life. (Am I really living yet?)
I feel like somehow, I went from being a person who actually meant something to Mr. Yummy to feeling like his booty call. Isn’t that fucked up? I live in his home, and feel like his booty call. This makes me really sad because I think back to a night a friend of his died. He text me looking for warmth. I told him had he been anyone else, I’d have taken it as a booty call. He stepped back and gave himself a check because he didn’t want to make me feel that way. I feel like if he knew I felt this way now, he would put it on me.
Maybe that is where it belongs. I don’t know anymore. I just know this next month is going to be a hard one to fake and I hope I am up to the challenge.