Monthly Archives: May 2014
I wanted to molest him, but I did not.
I have a lot to think about. We are both different, but everything is still there. When he was leaving, he kept sniffing my neck and hair. I kind of laughed and said, “You’re smelling me!” He just looked at me and said, “Well, yeah, ya gotta smell it before you taste it.” He then laughed at my facial reaction to that. I pulled him back to the threshold and gave him a little kiss, and let him go.
My thermostat came so he will be back in a few weekends to replace it. I will cook him a meal for it.
I wonder where this is going, but in a way I am in no hurry to rush into it. We have done that before and as he keeps mentioning, we have plenty of time. When we first met and dated, one of the things he told me very early on, aside from the fact when he kissed me he heard every love song in his head at once, was that he wanted to have 40 years of time, love, and, tenderness.
I want that 40 (plus) years.
Falling walls, falling veils, falling pretenses…falling in love.
How strange to be falling in love with someone I have been very deeply in love with for so many, many years. I’ve seen him once since the summer of 2006. We had an “accidental” date in January. I’m pretty sure it was a date from the get go, but we didn’t call it that. We have shared one kiss since the summer of 2006. It was small, almost innocent, and it hooked me before it was even over.
We have logged a lot of time in text, and sometimes talking on the phone. We have logged two-thirds of the time we were together in 2000/2001, just talking and we haven’t slept together yet.
I asked him last night, “Know what I like?”
“Years ago, I needed you to find some kind of happiness. But now, I got there before we started talking. I don’t need you to get happy, but you surely intensify the feeling. Talking with you …intensifies my joy. That simple fact takes so much pressure off. I like that.”
He replied that he wears a pretty good-sized grin when we text or talk. He is super glad I have found some peace and happiness, he always wanted me to have that.
I have not told him (word for word) that I am still in love with him, but he knows it. I send him links on YouTube, he’s not stupid. I know, he is pondering his emotions for me and if he is not in love with me, he is feeling love for me. He once told me that he would follow me anywhere. I feel he still tends to want to lean that way.
I’ve known steamy, I have known intense, but I have never known anything that has equaled our intense steaminess.
We talked last night about dinner this week. I just want to see him, look at him, touch him, smell him, hold his hand, touch his face, ears, neck, and lips. I would sit in a box with him, and be happy.
Today, I gave the manager of my building two packets of bee feed mix. He’s going to plant them and I like that! My mission today…dirt, bee balm, bee feed mix, pots, and my balcony. I intend on being in the moment as I do this. It’s more prep for that journey I know is coming.
The other thing on my list today, is to go see my mommy and her little dog.