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The Rabbit Hole

So much is happening right now and many people don’t even know about it. It doesn’t take away from my excitement though.

Why not?

Because the last few days I have been thinking of so many things. One of the things is about my own awakening. I can remember the moment…but to say it was a specific moment would be wrong. I had many moments leading up to December 18th 2011, but I had two traumas, within three days and it was my reaction to each that will possibly become my defining moments.

Some of my first reactions led me to wonder why I kept going through the same shit over and over again. I knew the script so well, I could almost predict the play. I did predict the play.

I wished that certain things weren’t to be. I am horrified I did this.

They aren’t now.  This fact, was part of the trauma.

I would say my first step into awakening was realizing I was in control of my destiny but I was fucking it all up because the rule book left a few things out and I didn’t have a grasp of the game that was actually being played.

I have the rules now and they say my consent is needed. Because I didn’t know this, my silence was taken as implied consent. My implied consent is no longer given for a hidden hand to guide my life and destiny for me. I have taken control and responsibility and THAT is what I relate back to when I say I woke up on 18, December 2011.

I have become a creator/co-creator and I am watching as my every secret inner hope and dream is lining up to fall into place. My impossible dreams, are lining up to fall in to possibility, and then reality.

I no longer accept, No we can’t…and as much as people still like to mock the words, “Yes, we can!” I am going to participate in something that proves to you that, YES. we can. And will.


I Love.

Love IS.

I’m still learning, but they say the best way is hands on and this last year has been hands on creation and playing with Universe, The Source, and the BE’ing that is me.

There is more happening with The One People’s Trust. It is transparently explained at American Kabuki, who is working with Removing the Shackles and Kauilapele’s Blog.

I fell into my rabbit hole in around 2000. It has been a long, long journey. I’ve tried SO many times to crawl out of it. It wasn’t till last year, I started walking THROUGH it. Look out because here I come.

As self-destructive as I have been (and some of you out there know this to be so) I am starting to understand my creative power. Can you imagine what I’m thinking?

These words in Heather’s e-mail are still resonating inside me so I share:

The power of the creator is the loving choice to experience through many. 

The power of many is remembering the choice to experience.

Come ON!!!! Lets go play!!!



I Did Not Know This Had Happened…

Taken from CNN

Pope’s book on Jesus challenges Christmas traditions:

(CNN) — It’s Christmas, but not as you know it: a new book released this week by Pope Benedict XVI looks at the early life of Jesus — and debunks several myths about how the Nativity unfolded.

In “Jesus of Nazareth — The Infancy Narratives,” the pope says the Christian calendar is actually based on a blunder by a sixth century monk, who Benedict says was several years off in his calculation of Jesus’ birth date.

Read more: Egypt’s Coptic Christians pick new pope

According to the pope’s research, there is also no evidence in the Gospels that the cattle and other animals traditionally pictured gathered around the manger were actually present.

He also debunks the claim that angels sang at the birth, a staple theme of Christmas carols.

The book, which is being published in multiple languages in time for Christmas, is the third in a series by the pontiff. The previous two volumes dealt with Jesus’ adult life and his public ministry.

Read more: Jews did not kill Jesus, pope writes in new book

Alessandro Speciale, Vatican correspondent for the Religion News Service, told CNN the pope was not so much aiming to debunk myths as trying to show that the Jesus depicted in the Gospels is a real historical figure, who walked on earth and talked to people like anyone else.

The pope also looks at scholarly studies of the Bible, some of which have indicated for decades that the traditionally accepted birth date for Jesus is wrong, Speciale said.

Read more: Vatican newspaper calls fragment referring to Jesus’ wife ‘a fake’

But while the book points out that the Gospels do not support the presence of animals at Jesus’ birth — a detail apparently added in later centuries — the pope does not suggest they should be thrown out of the Nativity scene, Speciale said.

“The pope is a traditional man and he doesn’t want people at all to change their traditions,” Speciale said.

The 176-page volume, which comprises a brief foreword, four chapters and an epilogue, traces Jesus’ life up to the age of 12, when, according to the Gospels, he was presented by his parents in the Temple in Jerusalem, the Vatican said.

The initial worldwide print run is more than a million copies, it said, with the book released this week across 50 countries in Italian, German, Croatian, French, English, Polish, Portuguese and Spanish.

In the coming months, the book will be translated into 12 more languages for publication in 72 countries in total, the Vatican added.

The Vatican quotes Anthony Valle, a professor of theology, as saying the pope has been open to scientific inquiry in his own study of Jesus’ life.

“The pope is not against the historical critical method at all, in fact, he uses it, he appreciates it,” Valle said.

He sees the pope as using “both faith and reason” in his efforts to bring the life of Jesus closer.

Monsignor Philip Whitmore, who translated the book into English, said the pontiff used his writing to explore “the inner meaning of the infancy narratives, showing how they pick up on Old Testament themes and develop them in new and unexpected ways.”

“The pope helps us to understand the world where Jesus was born. Caesar brought peace to the Roman Empire, but this tiny child brought something much more wonderful: God’s peace, eternal life, an end to sin and death,” Whitmore added.

“Anyone who’s wondering why Christmas came to be such a great celebration in the West can find the answer right here. The pope explains how the birth of Jesus changed history forever.”

One of my bones and major issues with organized religion has been my personal belief that whatever the “original” words, or documents were, have been passed through the hands of man and translated so many times, that I don’t believe we have ever known the non-altered, or HONEST truth.

Here we have Benedict admitting, “In “Jesus of Nazareth — The Infancy Narratives,” the pope says the Christian calendar is actually based on a blunder by a sixth century monk, who Benedict says was several years off in his calculation of Jesus’ birth date.” Many have questioned the 25, December date for years, yet The Church saw fit to deny and ridicule anyone who talked “another possibility”. A little tweak here in 2012, and look…suddenly another possibility gets validation.

Another thing that has bothered me is that so many people take the book, we now have the The Pope admitting to having inaccuracies, man-made made stories and parables, as literal word.

Lara Smith-Spark writes,

But while the book points out that the Gospels do not support the presence of animals at Jesus’ birth — a detail apparently added in later centuries — the pope does not suggest they should be thrown out of the Nativity scene, Speciale said.

“The pope is a traditional man and he doesn’t want people at all to change their traditions,” Speciale said.

In other words, we admit we published some untruths and sold them as the word, but now that we have told you it has been tinkered with, we ask you to convienently continue to follow and not question.

I resent that The Church sits on truth while tweaking and manipulating as it suits their needs. It is like they are saying I can’t handle the truth so I should let them handle it for me. Excuse me, that takes the personal out of my relationship with God and means an unseen hand is guiding my relationship with God.

I have had enough relationships based on lies. I do not want this one touched. It should be MY personal journey to connect with God.

All of this on the tails of pedophile, after pedophile being covered up. Bishop Finn and Father Ratigan, are not just a few bad apples. This is a systematic problem that has been going on for a long, long time. But I am supposed to trust these men  (and they are just men) after the continual lies?

I see through the veil.

If you (The Church) have to withhold truth from me, and lie to me to get me, then you are placing yourself above me. If that’s not being a handler, controlling my fate, and stating YOU are deserving of the truth and I am not, then I see you as a liar.

Again, I am not saying God is dead, just that I don’t accept this particular messenger and for now…I’ll stick to the word I am getting.

I Aint Afraid…

I would say Think God without Fear.

Because of what has been done in God’s name, and they way we have been controlled for so long by religion (in God’s name), there are many of us who have a hard time with the label we call “God”.

I’m 48 and for most of those years, I’d say God and I’d feel “icky” inside.  I did not feel instant Love. I saw the inconsistencies and hypocrisy of it.

A perfect example was my Born again, neo-conservative, girlfriend I will call Janine. Janine would come to my house and smoke weed with me, because she had to hide it from her husband. She made no bones about the fact that if he ever found her stash in the mini-van, she would blame me. She would sit in my mother’s house, smoking weed, and talking about how she loves the sinner, but hates the sin. That is why it is OK to vote to deny someone else equal rites. Especially if they have no morals and are  deviant in anyway. My mother is a lesbian.

My family comes from a long line of sexual molestation. My father was molested by his mother, though he didn’t see coming home at 16, from a bad day at school and having mom offer you her tit to suckle, as deviant. To him, it was “normal”.

When the chickens began dying, no one could figure out why. Then one day, my father went out back and found an uncle that was living with them, fucking a chicken. My dad freaked out and went to tell his mother, but the uncle, according to my father, stopped him, and talked to him. He told him he should try it before telling his mother. That is how my dad began fucking chickens, but the uncle, he moved onto my dad’s sister. Eventually, so did dad.

Then my older sister was born. From the ages 5-9, my father molested my older sister. I walked in on it and though knew something was wrong…didn’t understand it, or why I was told to NEVER tell. I also never really told, after the first time my sister came at me. She didn’t carry it on too many times, but I “learned” enough.

I said no.

When my father was finally caught, he blamed the devil and said Satan made him do it.

This was my first real life encounter with the ability to scream, “SATAN!” Followed by claiming a love of God and finding Jesus, and being completely and totally forgiven for your sins.

I have watched how religion and politics have done NOTHING but divide us, and keep us at war with each other.

I have tried to very seriously find the meaning of, “The fear of God” and why it is so necessary to fear an all loving benevolent being with a beard, in white robes, living in the clouds, who only wants us to consume and shop, while war, famine, pollution, disharmony, hate, and abuse after abuse abundantly fill a more traumatized world.

It is not that I do not believe in the concept of “God”, but the “God” we have been given is an illusion. I feel it tricks its many worshipers into  worshiping something false, while thinking they are worshipping one thing, they are tricked into accepting  fear as a way of life. They begin to “HAARP” out the energies required to feed a never-ending perpetual cycle.

Like seeks like, as above, so below, water then seeks its own level.

I have had a hard time saying God. I know people who can’t say God. I know one person who doesn’t like to “cap” God, he chooses to mostly write, “god”.  I know people who call it the Cosmic Muffin. I have become partial to The Source, My Creator, The Kiss of Breath.

What I DO KNOW, is that God is Love. Pure and simple. No if’s and’s or buts about it. There is no condition on the Love of God, and no reason for me to fear a man in the clouds.

If you think it is OK for organized religion to live like this:

And it’s OK for this to exist together…

Then you need to do some serious soul-searching.

More crazy to follow.

Oh, and for the record…I REFUSE to be afraid of what you are doing in MY name and in God’s name. ANYMORE!

Losing My Religion

When I say religion is fading please don’t read it as me saying God is dead.
God is alive.
What is dying, is the lie organized religion has been pimping.

Awake and Dreaming?

Religion is nearing the end of its course. I don’t say this to be blasphemous, I just believe that humans are waking up to our living  conscious.
I think people are starting to realize that we really are the change we have been waiting for.
I feel that people are realizing that with our consciousness, we are not on an absolute course of powerlessness. People are realizing that most of us, when it comes to religion, are so willing to give our power away, to a man in the sky. With a beard. Who lives on a cloud. He wears a white dress. And loves us so much.  He gave us a consumer driven world of perpetual war to live in.
It doesn’t have to be this way.
This is only one way. They way we have been shown and carefully distracted on, but not the only way. Those that have distracted us know it. They also know we are starting to see beyond the veil.
This, scares the shit out of them and while they are choking on what they have been feeding us, we are finding Love.
Not romantic Love, but divine Love, the kind of Love that you find when you understand your place in the creation of life.
Understanding that there can only be an outside, if threre is an inside gave me the ability to think about a few things with a new clarity.

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