WTF was that?

So, the other day I got pissed at Mr. Yummy.

He’s never around, he never lets me know if he’s off on a bender, hanging with family, or doing something I don’t want to know about.

I guess it was out of anger, I told him I would be gone Tuesday through Friday. I must have surgery and will stay somewhere else (where he doesn’t have to care for or help me out). He kind of stopped packing his firearms and ammunition and asked very surprised what I needed surgery for? I sort of surprised myself because I became hostile and told him I didn’t really feel like telling him WHY, because it doesn’t fucking matter. We both said a few other things. Mostly I said, to have felt so dismissed and ignored has hurt and I am at the point where I just don’t give a shit anymore. He quietly said, “I don’t want you to feel like that.”

I didn’t really say anything to that, because I’m hurt. It would have been mean and more of the same.

For a year, I have been trying to put my mother fucking life back together. I lost Mel, I have lost Mr. Yummy and I lost a good friend and daughter, because she thought something I posted on Facebook about Mr. Yummy, was about her.

I’m fucking tired, and I am tired of losing people and honestly, I don’t fucking care anymore. Fuck it. Everyone wants to go away? GO AWAY!

True to Yum form, he took off for a few days. No response to me saying “you hurt me, it sucks and I can’t give a fucking shit anymore.” He knows I am looking at moving. This all sucks, but I don’t care anymore. I can’t. Maybe it won’t be a pretty little hate garden, but it’s not a fucking love festival.

So imagine my surprise when he comes in last night, drunk. He climbs in his bed, next to me, and rolls over facing me and loosely snuggles up to me and starts touching my feet and toes, with his feet and toes. he knows I like this.

I was mad. I don’t want to trust it. AND WHY THE FUCK NOW, after I said I don’t fucking care anymore. I feel like I was naive and gullible with him and I don’t trust much with him now.

Go ahead, go the fuck away.