Lots has been going on the last few weeks. It has been sort of difficult for me because although it’s not my drama, life has been full of it lately. Much of it I am obligated to not talk about right now. We are waiting on some things to happen before I can un-mums.
I went to my friend Michael’s Seafood Festival. I took Mr. Yummy and I had a good time. I drank a lot (for me) and ate a lot of seafood. For me that is rare also, because I am sort of grossed out at what we as humans, have done to the sea. ::green face::
I stayed an extra night at Mr. Yummy’s house after the Seafood Fest. I used to wonder if I was remembering him (us) wrong. I was telling myself it was all just a fluke, that all these years later, he couldn’t play me like his own instrument.
Yeah, not so much. He’s not just a fluke, and I wasn’t remembering incorrectly. He just does for me, that thing that no one else could ever do. I figured a lot of my old hangups out on my own, and I shared a few of them with Mr. Yummy. I think I had to in order to leave them behind. He just said, ” Oh the mind of a woman…”. And oh how true that is. I let my own thoughts, brain, wiring, get in my own way for so many years. I am happy to have moved away from that sort of thinking and reacting I used to do.
Hopefully, I’ll be able to write about the latest drama soon. I need it to be over and to move beyond it. It sucks watching other people cycle with it though. For them, it is inevitable.
Happy weekend. Pass on the love.
I have been asking myself what is so different about so many things in my life, but especially with Mr. Yummy.
It just hit me, that I don’t have that anxiety I used to get when I wasn’t with him. I worried. And I was living with him, so the only time we were apart, was for the work day, and that’s after we were on a long call job together.
Now I don’t see him for weeks at a time, talk on the phone…maybe monthly, and text a few times throughout the week. I’m OK with the way it is. I don’t think he’s going anywhere, and I am in it to see what we are doing.
I feel the same way about work. I’m happy there. I strive to get a little better at what I do, and I sleep well at night, when I am not hot flashing.
So that’s it. It’s Sunday. Time to just chill my last weekend night away.
Falling walls, falling veils, falling pretenses…falling in love.
How strange to be falling in love with someone I have been very deeply in love with for so many, many years. I’ve seen him once since the summer of 2006. We had an “accidental” date in January. I’m pretty sure it was a date from the get go, but we didn’t call it that. We have shared one kiss since the summer of 2006. It was small, almost innocent, and it hooked me before it was even over.
We have logged a lot of time in text, and sometimes talking on the phone. We have logged two-thirds of the time we were together in 2000/2001, just talking and we haven’t slept together yet.
I asked him last night, “Know what I like?”
“Years ago, I needed you to find some kind of happiness. But now, I got there before we started talking. I don’t need you to get happy, but you surely intensify the feeling. Talking with you …intensifies my joy. That simple fact takes so much pressure off. I like that.”
He replied that he wears a pretty good-sized grin when we text or talk. He is super glad I have found some peace and happiness, he always wanted me to have that.
I have not told him (word for word) that I am still in love with him, but he knows it. I send him links on YouTube, he’s not stupid. I know, he is pondering his emotions for me and if he is not in love with me, he is feeling love for me. He once told me that he would follow me anywhere. I feel he still tends to want to lean that way.
I’ve known steamy, I have known intense, but I have never known anything that has equaled our intense steaminess.
We talked last night about dinner this week. I just want to see him, look at him, touch him, smell him, hold his hand, touch his face, ears, neck, and lips. I would sit in a box with him, and be happy.
My Spirit has sort of been on an unscheduled vacation.
I had many “things” happen at once, and though I didn’t let any of it incapacitate me as it has in the past, I sort of “lagged” like a computer too taxed.
I’m happy to say I am coming out of it. It took time, silence while pondering, my good friends, doing a couple of things that made me feel happy, and letting go of people and emotions that don’t serve anything good.
I’m happy to have gotten to this point before Seattle’s dreary season starts. It is hard going into the grey when you are feeling negative already.
Not ton’s to say, just wanted to check in and write something since I have been slacking off as my little Apple iBook 4g, with Firefox 3.6 (lulz) on it was dying. My Schenectady daughter got me a rebuild with a newer Windows OS on it, so I am pretty much in hog heaven now, though I miss Samantha, my stolen Dell. I got ALL my music off my external that I donated to work last year and onto this lappy, but I now need to get a new external for this because I’d rather have my tunes on that since I have so much to use.
I got a new job, but am keeping my other two. Lazy bitch right? This one I am actually contracted out, so I had to get a tax ID, but that means I am a business owner. LULZ! I also hope to keep writing and want to get something else published.
Things are going to start happening again. I always know when something is in the wind, or “on the way” and true to form, I can feel it coming on. I’m glad. I am ready for some change and welcome something new.