Monthly Archives: September 2013

Shrill and Booming (part III)

Courtroom 1S KRJCI got subpoenaed at the beginning of the month, because I have twice picked up the phone to call 911 on the neighbors. It was the second call that did it, because booming was taken away and arrested. After speaking with the prosecutor, he told me he was pressing charges.

I sat in the KRJC really NOT wanting to be there. I was angry that I had to take MY time, from MY day, to deal with this bullshit, especially since I had heard he was claiming self-defense, and she was refusing to press charges.

REALLY???

I get it. I’ve been there. I had a husband and a daughter at the same time once. I took it and took it and took it, because I wanted my daughter to have a father who was present. Unlike what I had. I also took it because I didn’t believe in myself or my abilities. I also took it because no one ever picked up the phone and called the police on us or tried to do anything that would have or could have gotten is help.

Even the trips to the ER, where he sat by my side, the ever dutiful spouse, never leaving me unless he was asked to…no one ever asked me, “Is he hurting you? Did new york steaks REALLY fall out of the freezer and split your head open, or did he have something to do with it as well?

I didn’t WANT to be someone who fed the cycle through inaction. I may as well walk next door, pop Shrill in the face, call her a bitch and walk off if that’s the case, because inaction is condoning, and I do NOT condone violence on another human unless your life is on the line and you need to defend yourself.

Still…sitting there, staring at doors that have never led me any where good, I was getting pissed. THIS is what I get for trying to stop abuse? Well, no wonder no one ever gave a fuck or called 911! Who wants to go through this???

I sat there, shaking, remembering, remembering, remembering, wanting to panic and run. It took EVERYTHING I had to stay. I could have sat IN the courtroom, but I didn’t want to hear it so I let the prosecutor know I was there and would be in the hall. After four hours of watching people in the midst of trauma, the prosecutor came out and told me, “Mr. Booming plead guilty. He has some things to do for the court, but your services here are not needed. Thank you for talking with me on the phone and thank you for coming.”

He was very kind and had a good vibe about him, but I was happy as a pig in shit to leave.

Still…

If it happened again today, I would do the same thing.

I would call 911 again, because I simply, DO.NOT.CONDONE.

Holiday of the Spirit

My Spirit has sort of been on an unscheduled vacation.

I had many “things” happen at once, and though I didn’t let any of it incapacitate me as it has in the past, I sort of “lagged” like a computer too taxed.

I’m happy to say I am coming out of it. It took time, silence while pondering, my good friends, doing a couple of things that made me feel happy, and letting go of people and emotions that don’t serve anything good.

I’m happy to have gotten to this point before Seattle’s dreary season starts. It is hard going into the grey when you are feeling negative already.

Not ton’s to say, just wanted to check in and write something since I have been slacking off as my little Apple iBook 4g, with Firefox 3.6 (lulz) on it was dying. My Schenectady daughter got me a rebuild with a newer Windows OS on it, so I am pretty much in hog heaven now, though I miss Samantha, my stolen Dell. I got ALL my music off my external that I donated to work last year and onto this lappy, but I now need to get a new external for this because I’d rather have my tunes on that since I have so much to use.

I got a new job, but am keeping my other two. Lazy bitch right? This one I am actually contracted out, so I had to get a tax ID, but that means I am a business owner. LULZ!  I also hope to keep writing and want to get something else published.

Things are going to start happening again. I always know when something is in the wind, or “on the way” and true to form, I can feel it coming on. I’m glad. I am ready for some change and welcome something new.

Patience

For the last two years, I have been an absolute, non-assertive, pussy. I’ve avoided confrontation as much as I could. I try; and usually succeed in looking beyond a person’s worst, to find the WHY, and then understand.

I’ve looked for the reflections I’m seeing of myself in others.

Usually, I find them.

Today I lost my patience with my room-mate. I’ve been here since march 15th, and after six months…

I could list the many things that I allow to push me to the point of reaction, but I feel that would be petty to do to someone who isn’t here to defend herself. I can say today was the wrong day to place her own personal well-being upon my shoulders.

I did indeed react, and said quite loudly that she is a crazy fucking nut-bag. I can’t take that one back, and I feel bad that I said it, but there is truth to it. Maybe, to her…I am just as crazy. I mean…I would just as soon walk away and not interact with her because I never know which version of her I am going to get. I shut down and just tune her out.

Having said that, anyone who has read me knows I have been there, fractured, flailing, insecure and never looking within for my happiness and worth.

I think anyone’s patience only goes so far. I get that I am not responsible for making her feel secure about her.

The Importance of My Family (Walk the Talk)

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I have been “on the outs” with everyone in my family, except my mom the last few years.

All of us have our individual and group issues and I think we all had our own work to do, but the separation has not been easy on me.

I have, for lack of a better word, felt banished. Yet, with my younger sister, I kept trying.

Within the last six months, things have started coming together and I feel lucky to have her back in my life. There is a sense of belonging and unity, but also deep love.

I am not able to put what I am feeling into words. Two words come to mind:

Humbled and loved.

Last night was the first time my younger sister and I have ever gone out for a night out together. She took me to The Showbox to see Adam Ant. I was nervous about going. Part of me wanted to bail, but she had done this as an early birthday present, and because music has always been a bond in my family.  I felt the need to walk my talk.

Adam, still rocks a pirate outfit, as well as his stage, and looks related to Mr. Depp. The show was incredibly awesome, in the sold out venue. I had done some reading on his life today before the show and was really looking forward to seeing him. I was a huge lover of Kings of The Wild Frontier, and it’s been years since I used to hang out at The Showbox. I chose carefully, the memories I allowed to flow into my head from the past. Some people don’t deserve rent in my head. That’s healthy for me, if I don’t want to nurture old emotions, but focus on healthy and new ones.

Afterward, we went to Pike’s Pub and had tea (she) and water (me) while waiting for our ride. We went up onto 1st Ave and I grabbed a smoke and who should go by on a Pedi-Cab but Guy Fieri from Food Network’s Triple D (Diners, Drive-ins and, Dives) I wasn’t sure it was him till I caught this view:

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As his Pedi-Cab went down the sidewalk I yelled, “Bye Guy” and he waved. It was funny.

I do love my family, even those still not willing to participate in being family.

FYI (if you’re a teenage girl)

Dear Kim,
I LOVE that you have your support marriage equality earrings on, while slut shaming a bunch of young women based on your perception of what a look, pose, or outfit means. God Bless you. 😉

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