Monthly Archives: June 2013

Shrill & Booming

ShouldMarriedCouplesArgueI had to call the police again.

I can not stand listening to domestic violence. I shake. I feel sick to my stomach. I get a migraine.

It’s too damn invasive.

Shrill and Booming are BOTH guilty of violence, just like my ex and I were. I can’t stand to hear it. The kids were screaming.

They took Booming away, though I am pretty sure she (Shrill) launched the first blow tonight. I couldn’t see it. They were inside with the windows open, SCREAMING. Suddenly amidst the screaming and crashing I heard him ask her, “Are we were going to start hitting each other now?

SMACK

And just like that it was on, and I was calling 911.

There is no one like her

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And I mean no one.

There never will be.

She embodies the best of me and the worst of me.

I would walk through glass for her.

Well, I’d at least go to the courtroom she had to call in to from Texas, for the ruling on a two plus year battle with her ex. I REALLY didn’t want to see him, but had she come here for this, you can bet I’d have been at her side. So when I asked her if she wanted me to be there for support, she said yes.

She told me after the ruling, that it meant the world to her to have had me there. She KNOWS the memories that place has for me as well as how much I did not want to have to see him.

When he approached me in the hallway on the break asking me what I was doing there. I did not bend, I did not feel I owed him an explanation, when he pushed, I had no problem saying I was just there for my best friend as well as for his daughter. When he tried to engage me in drama and argue with me, I literally waved my hand at him and said, “No, YOU don’t get to do this to me. YOU need to walk away!”

He actually did.

After the judge ruled, in favor of his daughter’s interests and health, I silently applauded as he walked out of chambers. It wasn’t vindictive, it wasn’t for my friend, it was for her daughter and the fact a judge finally realized that a child with special medical needs help from BOTH parents.

I didn’t really CARE when his current wife thought it was about HER losing HER house, and she called me a fucking bitch and stormed out of court. She thought I was happy for HER loss.

I am happy for my best friend’s daughter and a judgment that was truly in her favor. A child of 14, who has been living with Crohns, arthritis, and necrotizing granulomas on her lungs since she has been 5, deserves to be taken care of by her father as well as her mother. It wasn’t right to see my friend lose her house, her credit, her sanity, and then have to leave the state because her child is sick all the winter months each year, while he never helped and called them both liars.

It is unfortunate, that two MORE people are about to go through the same financial hell my friend has been though, but it hasn’t been right to watch my friend go through it alone, while her ex flourished, bought toys, kept his house, and has had enough cash to go play with and actually have gambling losses on his income tax returns.

Oh wait…snap! When the court papers were filed, it was stated that the current wife’s mother actually paid for all the gambling and any winnings were given to her. So then how could losses for gambling go on anyone’s tax return other than the mothers?

I have a sneaking suspicion the IRS will get involved.

So yeah, I am happy and proud of my best friend and her daughter. Did I go in there saying, “Boy, I hope they really get fucked and lose everything!”? No, I went in hoping someone paid attention to what my “niece” is going through.

They did.

I freaking hate courthouses and the system.

There aren’t many people I would do that for.

There is no one like her.

I love her.

Sick n Sin. Always.

When you have to get to know yourself again…

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I almost feel like I don’t know this person I have become.

I still feel like me, but I don’t feel like me at all. I think differently. I see things differently. I see people differently.

Where I would have been angry and pissed off because I am hurt, I don’t go there often OR, in the same way. I get hurt still, but it just is like a different person inside seeing things in this way that isn’t what I am used to, but I AM. It is SO perfect.

I’m detached from who I was, if that makes sense.

I like the latest upgrade, it does feel like an upgrade.

It had a missing compassion component in the upgrade. More important than the compassion I have found for my fellow human=beings, is the compassion I have discovered along the way for myself.

I can’t tell you what a gift that has been. it has enabled me to deal with the stuff people throw at you in the course of living their drama and trauma.

…I’ll listen to you, but I’m not getting back on that ride.

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