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Apparently, Jason Mraz (is prepping)

This man touches my soul.


Caution: Falling Objects

486_3_2I feel like the wall fell a few years ago, but there was still some shit lying around. Perhaps it fell when I went so deep and far into that rabbit hole, but the clean up has been slow and halting.

Now, I feel bricks and things falling around me. As this happens, I have that familiar feeling of falling veils again.

How will I ever explain this without sounding like a nut?

He said to me that “You keep reminding me of your soul.”

He does not know the impact that statement had on me. He does not know the connections I have made with my soul and how beautiful I find that connection to the human part of my soul or your soul…or HIS soul.

I sent him a picture and text saying I was just checking in, thinking of him and I hope he is well, (He just had a sudden death of a close friend and was processing it, I was trying to let him do that and let him know I was also there if he needed anything.) It’s an old picture, almost taken after he and I split. I took it with a crappy old webcam in a poorly lit area, and yet I love the picture. I was shooting for the old brown and white style graduation pics of my mother’s generation where the “girls” were bare shouldered and usually had “touch-up pink lips”.

A few hours later, he responded saying “That picture it worth 2000 words…made me cry. You’re beautiful.” During our text, I had sent him a link to A Beautiful Mess video (Live in Chicago),  we were talking emotion, and he mentioned my soul. He mentioned to me he was melting a little. I, on the other hand was like a totally melted pot of sweet honey filled beeswax.

How can I still be so totally bonded to him in this way fourteen years later? This would be why, each relationship since him, made me miss him all the more, and when breaking up with others, I would completely re-mourn the loss of us.

This IS, the person for me.

This IS the one I’ve been waiting for.

This IS the one who makes the human part of my soul feel like the other half has come home.

This IS part of the experience that brings down residual shit, and veils fall again.

This is indeed, a beautiful mess and I am grateful to have had the last 2 years and three months.

I am ready for this.



I Do Not Fight

I do not fight the changes happening to/ in/ around me.

Often the last few days, I catch myself caught up in some sort of ecstasy. I think that is what it is, it feels like that is what it is. It certainly feels good. It is the kind of feeling that stops me in my tracks as it envelopes every bit of my physical body and then somehow, moves me beyond feeling just my physical self.

I am being pulled and I resist not.

In a way I feel like part of me has gone away, to be replaced by this new vibration and feeling of excited anticipation. I fell asleep last night with tears of understanding of who I am becoming, rolling down my face. It felt good. I woke this morning and my thoughts were immediately upon who I am becoming, and the tears come again. They aren’t sad, they are freeing me and releasing me from my own self bondage.

Do I sound crazy to you yet? This is the MOST sane I have ever been and I am enjoying watching my belief system melt away as reality wakes up in a big, new way.

I just know. Who I am. What I am. What my purpose is.

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