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Be

I have to just “be”.

I don’t want to look back, and I don’t want to worry about what lies ahead. I want to just enjoy the now.

I certainly like the now. I want to savor it as it happens.

Such a strange journey I have taken to get me here. So many years of searching, and looking for signs. So much stuff I put myself through, as well as those I have tried with.

After so much longing, in so many different ways…I am still at a loss for words to tell anyone what I am experiencing. I have done this before, so it is very familiar, but I have knowledge now that I hadn’t connected with before, so some of this is very new to me in feeling. It is not overwhelming, but it is. None of it is bad.

All of it is familiar.

For the  moment, I am off to garden in a friends yard to prepare for the party we are having next weekend for the life her mother lived. She died the day after mother’s day, this year. We are going to party for her and celebrate her life and legacy.  Work is making me some special memorial candles. I’m very touched. Hehe, in more than one way! ( I couldn’t resist)

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Rollercoaster!!!!!

This SOOOOOOO applies to my love life lately but, if you’ve been reading it pretty much rounds all areas of my life and today…I hit the top of the ride and am in free fall!

I move in 6 days and I just lost a job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All I can do at this point is laugh. If I really think I am going to stop myself I must be FUCKING kidding myself! I will accept this as contrast to the last fifteen blissful months I had.

This is nothing more than a reminder of what I can choose, or what I can BE.

Buckle up, it might get bumpy, but this isn’t how I say it gets to go down. I’ve already got my resume out looking for another part-time job. I’m still employed at my main job, it was the care-taking job that looks to be going South.

I need to sit and have a serious talk with Universe tonight.

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