Hanging On

I’ve slipped into silence as things started to pick up and I began to feel “better”.

I colored all my silver and took the black polish off. Red adorns my fingers and toes.

I started even feeling better about Mr. Yummy and my messed up spiderweb.

But then, about three days before “Thanksgiving”, I sort of fell again. I missed talking to her yesterday, which made me miss the last year of  not having her in my life. (Am I really living yet?)

I feel like somehow, I went from being a person who actually meant something to Mr. Yummy to feeling like his booty call. Isn’t that fucked up? I live in his home, and feel like his booty call. This makes me really sad because I think back to a night a friend of his died. He text me looking for warmth. I told him had he been anyone else, I’d have taken it as a booty call. He stepped back and gave himself a check because he didn’t want to make me feel that way. I feel like if he knew I felt this way now, he would put it on me.

Maybe that is where it belongs. I don’t know anymore. I just know this next month is going to be a hard one to fake and I hope I am up to the challenge.




















About iwentcrazy

I am very, very, very average. And very, very, very lucky.

Posted on November 27, 2015, in Death, grief, Honey Bee, Love, Me, Relationships, sadness, sorrow and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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