I’ve slipped into silence as things started to pick up and I began to feel “better”.
I colored all my silver and took the black polish off. Red adorns my fingers and toes.
I started even feeling better about Mr. Yummy and my messed up spiderweb.
But then, about three days before “Thanksgiving”, I sort of fell again. I missed talking to her yesterday, which made me miss the last year of not having her in my life. (Am I really living yet?)
I feel like somehow, I went from being a person who actually meant something to Mr. Yummy to feeling like his booty call. Isn’t that fucked up? I live in his home, and feel like his booty call. This makes me really sad because I think back to a night a friend of his died. He text me looking for warmth. I told him had he been anyone else, I’d have taken it as a booty call. He stepped back and gave himself a check because he didn’t want to make me feel that way. I feel like if he knew I felt this way now, he would put it on me.
Maybe that is where it belongs. I don’t know anymore. I just know this next month is going to be a hard one to fake and I hope I am up to the challenge.
Posted on November 27, 2015, in Death, grief, Honey Bee, Love, Me, Relationships, sadness, sorrow and tagged Love, Mel, my best friend, Spinal Cord Infarction, Stroke. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.