It’s not always bad when I go quiet. Sometimes, I am off having the time of my life.

That is not the case as of late. It’s been a pretty bad couple of months. After the memorial, I just went dark and deep. I have been, and remain very depressed and slightly suicidal. Being slightly suicidal is like being a little pregnant.

I’ve had some pretty dark moments. I now know what cold metal tastes like. I couldn’t do that to Mr. Y. He would hate me forever if he walked into his house and found me like that.

I know. I’m pretty fucked up.

I wonder where did I go? That woman who was so tied to the Universe and creation? Where is she and how do I connect with her again?

I want to talk to my emotional twin. I miss her. I miss feeling her. I miss laughing with her. I miss looking beyond our differences.

This is all for now.


About iwentcrazy

I am very, very, very average. And very, very, very lucky.

Posted on September 20, 2015, in sadness, Starting to feel again, Universe and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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