It’s not always bad when I go quiet. Sometimes, I am off having the time of my life.
That is not the case as of late. It’s been a pretty bad couple of months. After the memorial, I just went dark and deep. I have been, and remain very depressed and slightly suicidal. Being slightly suicidal is like being a little pregnant.
I’ve had some pretty dark moments. I now know what cold metal tastes like. I couldn’t do that to Mr. Y. He would hate me forever if he walked into his house and found me like that.
I know. I’m pretty fucked up.
I wonder where did I go? That woman who was so tied to the Universe and creation? Where is she and how do I connect with her again?
I want to talk to my emotional twin. I miss her. I miss feeling her. I miss laughing with her. I miss looking beyond our differences.
This is all for now.