I haven’t been writing, because I fell in a hole again.
In five days, I “bury” you at your memorial. I definitely feel like I am going to watch other people say good-bye to you, because I don’t think I’ll ever say good-bye, even though you need to let me go.
I dreamed of you all last night, woke up with a few tears falling and heard myself saying good-bye, but don’t go yet. I am scared this is going to be an emotional and hard week.
You told me (?) that was you and that you did come to me that night to show me how you were seeing things and what your reality would be on life support. I wish it wouldn’t have freaked me out when I realized you were with me. I wish I hadn’t gasped and said “MEL!”, and then woke up.
I miss you.
Please let go of me a little. I know that sounds weird coming from someone who will never let you go all the way, but you can’t keep hanging onto the part that makes me ache. I need to remember our friendship and love and not the last two weeks of your life and death.
Posted on July 26, 2015, in Death, Honey Bee, Love, Me, Rabbit Hole and tagged acceptance, death, Gone, grief, I has a sad in my heart, Mel, my best friend, Spinal Cord Infarction, Stroke. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.