6 months / what I wanted to tell Flo today (9/6/15):
I read this and was crying, because…I don’t know why. Maybe because I realized she lost Flo the day after I lost Mel? Maybe because I know her pain? Maybe because sometimes it still overwhelms me. Either way, I watched the video and am choosing. to take it as some good advice. For today, and today alone, because I am taking it day at a time, I choose to shake it off.
6 months ago, I assumedthe rest of my life would be horrible, but I couldn’t imagineanything more specific than that. I literally couldn’t imagine a future without you. you used to say, “we livedthrough our senior school, we can make it through anything.” it wasn’t true. you died from one of the few completelycurable cancers. there were times I honestly thought I’d die from grief, but I didn’t. and I’ve been doing this life that I couldn’t imagine for 6 months now.
I’m proud of myself, but it’s pride in you that got me here. the memories of your inspiring bravery, your kind generosity, your complete lack of self-pity, your goofy, excitable, compassionate, uninhibited, totally genuine nature. I stayed okay (if we’re calling baseline human function okay, and I think we ought to when we’re talking about somebody who’s lost somebody) because I love you so much, andI’m so proud…
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