Jury Nullification

I had a moment in Texas when I was hanging with the kids. Your oldest said something to me about the cops in Texas. He had a brown-skinned friend in his car. You know the kind of kid I mean, heavy with tattoos and automatically assumed to be a gang-banger.

The cop reached and opened your oldest child’s car door. He flipped out and started telling the cop he had no right to open his car door. I listened to him assert (AND KNOW) his rights and I was so proud of him, this kid who grew up raging and never hearing anyone, had learned important things.

He told me about jury nullification, he knew what it was and he had learned it, because of me.

I was everywhere in your house. I’d never set foot in this house till I came to watch you die, yet I was everywhere. I saw signs of my involvement and importance in your life and was touched in every way. It has taken this long for it to sink in, that you loved me back every bit that I loved you. We were peas and carrots and lucky to have had someone like that.

The cycle is continuing. Your uncle is losing another one of his “kids” to his “my way or the highway” mentality and all I can do is tell your cousin, “I understand, it is exactly what Mel did, in part because there is only one way, and that’s his way”

He’s not coming to your memorial, because of your uncle. I don’t blame him. I don’t want to go, I fear it is going to be a shit show. If it is, I am turning on one heal and immediately leaving.

I can’t wait for this part to be over. I don’t want to have to deal with non-essential family anymore. Meaning: I only want to talk to the kids. My family within your family.

I miss you.

I hope your soul is happy and free and that you no longer know your human baggage, even if that means you don’t remember me anymore.

Advertisements

About iwentcrazy

I am very, very, very average. And very, very, very lucky.

Posted on May 31, 2015, in grief and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: