I can hang in one more day. Tomorrow I have an afternoon appointment with the grief support group. Only they aren’t sending me straight to a support group. I get to start one on one. Guess that means I need to work through some stuff before I can sit with a room of people.

I don’t get to do the  second treatment for the bugs till Wednesday, yet I can feel new bite.

I am out of my mind frustrated.

I guess I stand in a corner and don’t sit anywhere or touch anyone during my appointment.

I feel a thousand miles away from Mr. Yummy. He is frustrated too and said he hates waking up every day feeling dirty.

How am I to process that?

I have made him feel dirty.

It all makes me sad. I don’t think I’ll ever be to him, what I once was before this all happened. I’ll remain an old friend that he just happens to fuck.

As much as I love him and want to be more, If this is to be the case, I am not sure I am OK with that for him, or for me. Of course, I can’t think about another thing at the moment so till I make it through getting rid of these fuckers, and losing some of my anger at is on the back burner. For all I know, I am just doing my old, worry about the worst and make it happen. I don’t want to do that.

I just want my life back.


About iwentcrazy

I am very, very, very average. And very, very, very lucky.

Posted on March 30, 2015, in Anger, Death and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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