I can hang in one more day. Tomorrow I have an afternoon appointment with the grief support group. Only they aren’t sending me straight to a support group. I get to start one on one. Guess that means I need to work through some stuff before I can sit with a room of people.
I don’t get to do the second treatment for the bugs till Wednesday, yet I can feel new bite.
I am out of my mind frustrated.
I guess I stand in a corner and don’t sit anywhere or touch anyone during my appointment.
I feel a thousand miles away from Mr. Yummy. He is frustrated too and said he hates waking up every day feeling dirty.
How am I to process that?
I have made him feel dirty.
It all makes me sad. I don’t think I’ll ever be to him, what I once was before this all happened. I’ll remain an old friend that he just happens to fuck.
As much as I love him and want to be more, If this is to be the case, I am not sure I am OK with that for him, or for me. Of course, I can’t think about another thing at the moment so till I make it through getting rid of these fuckers, and losing some of my anger at Mel..it is on the back burner. For all I know, I am just doing my old, worry about the worst and make it happen. I don’t want to do that.
I just want my life back.