Tears of a Clown (and tears on my pillow)
I miss you so much. I have had mostly OK, functioning days. I’m not depressed like I was at first, but it hits me. It hits me so hard. Last night falling asleep, the tears started flowing. I was scared to snuggle up to Mr. Yummy, because my face and hands were wet. I don’t like him to see me raw, as you can imagine. After all he did witness the melt-down that followed my marriage.
I woke this morning to fresh tears, and I am having a hard time not sitting down and just crying. Of course, it is Superbowl Sunday, and it’s a day to have fun, but my heart is heavy. I miss you, our talks, the calls, your kids, and knowing you are physically there. I woke up talking about you. When I hear the snippets that pop out of my mouth as I come to the waking world, I can always tell if it is about you, that I speak.
I spoke to your ex-husband last Friday. The boys should be here in a week or so. I can’t wait to see them. No one will ever take your place, but when I am with your kids, I do feel a little more fulfilled. It’s like together, we almost make you come back. I think together, we have a very special bond that has been forged by years of friendship and love and that, between us, will always keep your memory alive.
I still love you, and I still miss you, but I have to go start my day in the land of living Seahawks fans.