Twenty boxes so far. Not sure what to bust out and what to re-pack.

I was standing in the spare room amidst my piles, looking at towels, yet realizing I was unpacking more than just “stuff”. I am unpacking lots and lots of raw emotion. I understand what my sister has gone through, but I know that I will never get the same thing from her. I looked at the calendar yesterday as I was doing some last-minute cleaning and just felt overwhelmed with sadness to realize she ran away and abandoned our agreement, back in June after a trip to Mexico. She came back from that and went East for the first time, and really…hasn’t been back since.

I felt abandoned, because I was.

Of course, I am a big girl, but it hurt that my sister of all people, withdrew on her word.

As I am standing there, looking at towels, wondering what Mr. Yum and I are doing, and feeling like I just need to cry because I am overwhelmed with displacement and insecurity, Mr. Yum pointed to a linen closet and said “Things like that can go in here, though it might need some re-organizing.” Just like that, I smiled and felt calmer. Then he said he needed help wrapping a few presents so he wasn’t late to a family thing.

I was grateful to have a moment to separate me from my emotion. Watching him was happy for my soul. There is something about his face and eyes, that just fills me with happy. I love his warm and toasty body late at night, and the way our legs and feet tangle and touch. My favorite thing is probably when I turn away from the snuggle, and the times he follows and spoons me next to him.

So yeah, I’ll deal with this again and hope neither of us regret this.



About iwentcrazy

I am very, very, very average. And very, very, very lucky.

Posted on December 24, 2014, in Rabbit Hole and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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