Twenty boxes so far. Not sure what to bust out and what to re-pack.
I was standing in the spare room amidst my piles, looking at towels, yet realizing I was unpacking more than just “stuff”. I am unpacking lots and lots of raw emotion. I understand what my sister has gone through, but I know that I will never get the same thing from her. I looked at the calendar yesterday as I was doing some last-minute cleaning and just felt overwhelmed with sadness to realize she ran away and abandoned our agreement, back in June after a trip to Mexico. She came back from that and went East for the first time, and really…hasn’t been back since.
I felt abandoned, because I was.
Of course, I am a big girl, but it hurt that my sister of all people, withdrew on her word.
As I am standing there, looking at towels, wondering what Mr. Yum and I are doing, and feeling like I just need to cry because I am overwhelmed with displacement and insecurity, Mr. Yum pointed to a linen closet and said “Things like that can go in here, though it might need some re-organizing.” Just like that, I smiled and felt calmer. Then he said he needed help wrapping a few presents so he wasn’t late to a family thing.
I was grateful to have a moment to separate me from my emotion. Watching him was happy for my soul. There is something about his face and eyes, that just fills me with happy. I love his warm and toasty body late at night, and the way our legs and feet tangle and touch. My favorite thing is probably when I turn away from the snuggle, and the times he follows and spoons me next to him.
So yeah, I’ll deal with this again and hope neither of us regret this.