I Guess It’s Time
Hi again. So much has happened.
I’m still in the middle of moving. Should be done before Christmas. I plan on sleeping Christmas day away and hanging out on the interwebz doing not much of anything.
The last two weeks, I started getting sick again. Started as a UTI and quickly began morphing into PID (pelvic inflammatory disease). Tried to get into a doc. My boss gave me her natural doc’s name and even knew insurance covers natural medicine since my Queen Bee uses it. I was happy. They DID advise I call my insurance and confirm they cover natural medicine.
I called and we found out at that moment, I had no insurance coverage period, because the broker, didn’t get all his paperwork processed on time and company wide, no one was technically covered. I was free to pay 100% and wait for reimbursement. So I cancelled and didn’t go. I did however start doing massive doses of Propolis. Propolis is basically bee glue. It’s a heavy, sticky pollen product. It’s found around the entrance of the hive. As a bee enters, it rubs along the bee and is rich in anti fungal, bacterial and I think, viral properties. It is key to the health of the hive.
Holy fuck! I will be taking Propolis now. I’m not 100% yet, but I did in three days with water and propolis, what the doctors took almost 6 weeks to do last September, back when Mr. Yummy came and babied me.
As this was going on, I was also house/kitty sitting for a g/f. I was there for a week. The last night I was there was Friday of last week, I told my friend I was running boxes to Mr. Yummy’s and if it was really late I might spend the night unless she wanted me to dive back. She was fine with that. Just told me to feed the kitty and change her box before I left. Big Mistake on both of our parts.
I stopped and checked on the kitty and left at around five and took the boxes I packed into my car after work, to Mr. Yummy’s house. I stayed the night with him. I wasn’t feeling well, so we snuggled. I remember waking up early Saturday morning and smiling because we started on his side of the bed with me cuddled (draped) all over him and by morning, we were on my side of the bed, with him all over me. It was so…us. History. Been there before so knew how it played out, and it just made me smile and feel good. Well…
That didn’t last long because I unlocked my friend’s door, walked in and saw that Kitty had knocked some stuff off some shelves. Started calling for the kitty and realized halfway into the house that one side of the french door in the back of the house was busted out. Actually it was busted IN. I was already walking into glass before I hit the back room. It took me a second, but it hit me what had happened. As I turned around and RAN outside, my peripheral saw the drawers in the bedroom, all open and spilling over. I called 9-1-1 to report the break in and couldn’t even tell them the street I was on. I had to assault a jogger practically, to get him to stop and calmly tell me what street I was. Although I am SURE I probably freaked him out, I guarantee, he was definitely calmer than me.
In that moment, I became afraid in a way I haven’t been afraid, since I went crazy. It didn’t just creep back in, it slammed back in. Running out I was wondering where kitty was, realizing I had to call my friend and tell her, and terrified there was a possibility I walked in on it and they were still there.
So four days have passed. Saturday I cleaned it all up, went back to Mr. Yummy’s, then Sunday went and met my friend who got in at dark thirty. Kitty didn’t run, she hid and was in one of her spots, freaked out when the police walked through. I had kitty go to a different friends, so my friend would go there, instead of her home at 2AM, to deal with what I left her. A boarded up french door, courtesy of the spoon wielding tax preparer’s hunny. Sunday was horrible and emotional. I felt bad, yet was glad I wasn’t there since Wednesday and Thursday I felt I was being watched. Monday I went back to work and just kept seeing the moments that fear slammed back in. I was teary and cried a few times. Today I wasn’t emotional, but am still shaken.
I wish I could run away to the coast and enjoy the winter storm. No such luck. I’m just happy to know that I will start the year out at Mr. Yummy’s and he is no fucking drama Queen. I will not have to deal with a Ginger, or anyone else’s drama.
I want to let go of the fear again. Even if I have to chant my old mantra, “I deserve nothing less, as do you, than love” I will let the fear go.