This is Menopause
Sometimes, like this morning…it sucks.
For some unknown reason, I feel emotional; like crying and climbing into bed for the day.
It’s not that there is anything wrong, but the little things, seem really big, and really rough.
I am realizing, that part of me is really confused about Mr. Yummy. I feel so much for him, and yet I have this feeling of not knowing what I want while at the same time; having the same old thoughts and visions that used to freak me out so badly about him.
I don’t think I ever really dealt with any of that. I just ran, buried, and hid from all of those things and possibilities. I hid from all that emotion and love and then wondered why I couldn’t find anything like it again.
I don’t want to do that again.
There is this part of me that feels like a frightened little girl, hanging back and asking, “But what if he doesn’t and won’t ever feel that much for me again?”
He saved my shampoo for 14 years.
So stop. Take a breath. Realize the now and don’t worry about yesterday or tomorrow. One is the now, behind me, the other the now, in front of me and I only have ONE moment of here and now. Stay in it. Don’t get in front of it and don’t revisit what has been. That is the secret of now, that has eluded me for almost 50 years.