I Left My Heart (right there in the covers)
It just melted.
I knew I would say it at some point, though I didn’t mean to say it when I did. Sigh.
It wasn’t a bad thing to say though. It would have really been a bad thing had I never said it so, I’m OK and it didn’t seem to damage him either.
Night before last, we talked and suddenly an invite was on the table for morning coffee.
I, true to form said yes and drove out to his place. He had an “anti hot flash” beverage for me, we sat and talked, went outside, smoked, played music and just kind of enjoyed being able to do the touch thing. He took my hair down for me and fluffed it for me; while I wore a shit eating grin…I am sure.
I had so many emotional flashbacks sitting there with him, while he was being attentive as ever. There were as I expected, some tears. They weren’t loud, and I wasn’t sobbing…I just silently leaked. Quietly there in the night, he just wiped them, eventually saying, “That’s enough of those.” I told him I wasn’t sad, but happy. He replied that he knew, but they look sad. I knew that would be his reaction.
Pretty much, a bunch of stuff is just personal and not blog-worthy, but I’m…content. I don’t though, quite have the words for what my emotions are doing, but every once in a while I just need to catch my breath. There are more words than there are ways for me to express them. In my head, the words all become images and sounds. They are mashed up all at once. All of that becomes this one giant wave of what there are no words for me to use.