Emotional Garbage

I have done quite a bit of work the last few years on all that shit I have carried with me for almost five decades.

How did I not wind up in a rubber room?

I guess in one way, I did. Self imposed, self-defeating, self-sabotaging, self-isolating, never to really connect with another on a level that was healthy. Anything good, was not self-sustaining, took work to keep it good, and I just didn’t know where those skills were in me.

Somehow, it was always just about me and my needs. Anyone I was with needed to have the same passions as me, and the lines between them and me, always blurred and I would lose myself trying to manipulate a situation to go my way, because that was the right way, the only way.

I was a child in a woman’s body, years before I grew up and I didn’t even have the basic understanding of math, nor the realization there is always more than one way to solve an equation.

When I “recovered myself” the painful death, wound up actually being a beautiful metamorphosis. I feel extremely lucky to have experienced such an awakening. I found such a peace and gained an understanding of human capacity. There need be no limit. Limit is imposed on us from birth to the point, we don’t need someone there to limit us, we become adept at self limitation.

Though I still have a few unresolved relationships, I have tried to see the hurt for what it is. Usually it is a reflection of myself, that I have helped manifest. When I see my issues for what they are, it is easier to smile at myself and accept my own fears.

My load, is incredibly lighter these days.

 

 

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About iwentcrazy

I am very, very, very average. And very, very, very lucky.

Posted on September 3, 2013, in Crazy, Love, Me, Rabbit Hole, Universe and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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