Crap Witness

I’ve been contacted regarding Shrill and Booming. Booming has been charged and I am not surprised, nor do I disagree with it.

The gentleman I spoke with was very polite, kind, professional and I hated telling it as I saw it, but I have to be truthful. I trust my words here, more than my recollection, on the spot, so I let him know about my blog. In part, I blogged about it because my dad told me to always write stuff down immediately after you have any involvement in an accident, or witness a crime. SO I did. It felt like a relief to know I had to fall back on, as it helps jog the memory.

This is the kind of thing I don’t want to remember for long. I don’t want it in my head, or to have to deal with it, so it is one of the things you purposely push away and file.

I mentioned, more than once my history and I was asked, “Do you mind telling me your ex-husbands name?” I surprised myself at how fast I gave his name up and the tone I heard in my voice when I actually said his name. Of course, now I sit here, remembering my old life and I feel shame.

I feel shame that he wasn’t the last, that three years ago I had reconstructive surgery because another guy busted my orbital floor.

“I’ve changed”, I say after he says he is sorry to hear of my past. But have I? If I started dating someone again and they didn’t like things about me, would I morph and try to be what they want, or would I have the balls to say, “Maybe we aren’t made for one another?” Would I let them treat me like shit, or would I walk because I deserve respect?

I read my posts on Shrill and Booming, and I realize…I would be a crap witness, because I clearly confuse myself and the incidents. It took me reading them both to know, my confusion was present even talking to a prosecutor on the phone.

Still, as I stated, Booming TOWERS over Shrill. He should have walked away, not hit her back. Just because you’re bigger and stronger, doesn’t mean you handle things with more violence.

Between my room-mate and the neighbors, I need to move and find a new place.

Alone.

Notice how my writing has dropped to non-existent compared to before March? It’s because I am not happy where I am at. I have an interview this week elsewhere, cross your fingers.

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About iwentcrazy

I am very, very, very average. And very, very, very lucky.

Posted on August 19, 2013, in Domestic Violence, Me and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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