Wound up & Spent
I just completed my first paid, official catering job. It was an amazing success! Three people asked me for my card. Ooops, I don’t have one!
A very good friend’s father died. Normally, when there is a party at her house, she is at the helm and is a very competent and amazing entertainer. This time, for the wake, she needed to be with family and couldn’t take the time to run a show. She knows Ginger is a personal chef as well with a history of catering and teaching so she asked if we wanted to cater her dad’s wake.
I love this woman SO much that I was honored to have been asked. I dragged Ginger over for a meeting and a deal was arranged. My friend’s father really liked Mexican food so we did an AMAZING spread of Chili Verde, Chicken Chili Colorado, a Chili Relleno Casserole, Rice , Frijoles, salsas, chips and Queso dips. For the sweets after the main meal We made Mexican Brownies, Regular Brownies, Blondes with Dulce Leche baked in them and grilled pineapple. If you have never grilled pineapple, DO IT! Let it get nice and caramelized and eat it hot. I love sprinkling cayenne on it, though tonight, just grilled it natural.
Halfway through the night, I noticed an e-mail from the guy who recently broke me heart. It angered me and I just let it go till I was driving home. Then I felt the emotion.
It really sucks to feel angry when I don’t want to engage in it. I feel guilty for wanting to say that he’s a coward, and how shocked I am about that. I didn’t think he of all people would let the fear kick his ass. I recognize it because I lived it for so long. I instantly feel guilt for feeling animosity because I feel hurt and shit upon.
I understand depression, fear, and all the crap that goes with it. I KNOW he didn’t mean to hurt me, abandon us, throw me away like I am disposable, or even to cause me an iota of pain. I KNOW this, but he did, or I TOOK it that way. Universe, told me no. I’m grateful I found out before one of us moved across country.
He told me once, he never wanted to do to me what anyone one else had ever done to me. He didn’t want to be one more person who hurt me. I regret I can’t say he didn’t.
Somewhere inside me, I understand that to get over it, I just have to fucking let it go. Just…stop holding it and walk away from the shit.
I had a really good day, even the small bump with Mr. No Name ( I don’t know what to “blog name” him) can’t take away the content I feel in my heart over today and what I was able to provide my friend.
I’m wound up, spent and fucking blessed!
Posted on May 11, 2013, in Food, Me, Source, Universe, Yummy and tagged aware, death, depression, Fear, Ginger, Good, grateful, learning, Life, Love, perception, Thankful. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.