Sadness

We spoke this morning and your shit rolled out onto me in waves. I walk away with this incredible sadness.

Most of it is for you, some of it is because of you…if that makes sense.

I am sad that you have become the energy that you are resonating at. You ARE so much more than that and yet, you just don’t fucking see that. To talk to you really drags my energy down, dangerously fast. It’s discerning.

I suppose that is why I contact less and less.

It makes me angry to know that there is a part of you doing this on purpose. I DO get it, and don’t like it, but must accept it.

I know what I have to do, and you do too. You’ve only been trying to get me to accept it your way and I have been refusing.

Today I accept that YOU are going to do it your way and I am going to do it my way. I have to, because I can’t hate you. I can move beyond so many different old negative reactions, except the one that I call hurt. As I start to allow myself to examine that hurt, it becomes clear. As things become clear, it will be easier to do what I must do.

I’m not going to stay here for long.

I’ve been given a gift of contrast and I need to examine that too, in order to reconcile the account and make it balance again.

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