This morning I started going through my old file cabinet.
I found so much stuff in there, at least two decades worth of my life. It was quite the trip down memory lane.
I found all the old letters I wrote to “The Toaster” some 10 years ago while I was in Alaska and we were breaking up. In a different box I found more unopened letters I wrote him the second year I went. They had no name on them, they were just sealed envelopes. I knew without even having to open them who they were to. No one has ever drawn words out of me like The Toaster did.
I was SO in love with him.
Reading these old letters was like standing in a flood. It wasn’t a bad thing wither. I was able to remember the amazing and intense passion we had for one another at one point in time. He showed me so many years ago, that I had the ability to rise above my trauma. It just took me several years to piece it all together.
It is unfortunate that we were two very severely damaged people back then. But for a while, we were really amazing and I have learned over the years to remember that part of my Hamilton Beach Toaster.
I have decided to put pictures of my past loves up. Some of them left a bad taste, and some left the sweetest aftertaste, that lingers, and left me wanting more of the high. All of them, deserve to be out and in frames regardless of the taste. All have been put away, but all were important people in my life who taught me many, many lessons. Those things are to be remembered, even the most unpleasant times. I learned from them all and want to remember the things I have learned.
I couldn’t have done this 2 years ago. Especially not with my ex-husband who fathered my child. I think now, the difference is that I accept all these different parts of my life. I think I have embraced myself in a strange new way. I’ve liked who I have become the last several years, but somehow I managed to embrace myself for all I have been as well. It wasn’t a pretty picture for a lot of years.
Yet, here I am smiling and full of the desire to live.