The Bliss Junkie

In 2004, I dated one of my BEST male friends ever.

I met him through my mother, of all people. She approved of the relationship and sort of pushed for it.

I was resistant. The Bliss Junkie asked me out for THREE years. I just kept saying no, but we would still get together and do best friend things. I told him details of my life I would tell a best friend. We had no secrets and I to this day love him with all of my heart and soul.

He actually broke up with me, and said we were not “compatible”. I wanted to throat punch him because we are SO compatible…as dear friends. I knew all along that we shouldn’t have ever really been lovers, but friends. Two years later, we dated again for a brief time. I think part of me did it, just so I could break up with him and “get even”.

When he broke up with me, it broke my heart and my ego. I WANTED it to work with him. I loved the idea of being happy and in love and think we could have built a nice life together. In a fantasy world.

When he said we were not compatible, he was referring to my depression, and lack of ability to rise above the situational shit I was letting best me. I did not know how to let go.

I hurled, in anger the words, “You’re a fucking Bliss Junkie, and you want everyone to ride your wave and they can only stay if they are as blissed out as you! That is all you accept unless you fall down, then it’s all about your non bliss.”

Two years later when we started talking again (I called him because I missed my friend. I missed being able to call and say, “GUESS WHAT?!”) he sent me an e-mail. His screen name was Bliss_Junkie. He thanked me for it. In hind site, I am so grateful I said it, because I can look at it and remember so much of my journey and get it.

He’s coming to help me make my final move today. I can’t wait to see him!

This song will always make me think of him and I can so hear what he was trying to help me see.

 

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About iwentcrazy

I am very, very, very average. And very, very, very lucky.

Posted on April 7, 2013, in Me, Musica!, Relationships, Source, Universe and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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