I’ve got most of my stuff unpacked. CD’s and DVD’s are still in boxes till I start the hauling in of book cases, dressers, CD rack, etc..
Ginger and I meet in the kitchen throughout the day and dance, or we meet out back in the smoking lounge. There is a really nice vibe here with her. I feel no pressure. She doesn’t want anything from me other than my rent. She’s not angry at the world or directing it at me. She’s happy to have new kitchen gadgets (a ricer, a lemon reamer as opposed to a juicer, my Schlemmertopf) to use that she didn’t have before I came.
I wish Mr. K was around to tell and share this with, but just like he did when I was 17, he’s checked out. I’m sorry he is living the cycle of depression, it does sadden me, but it doesn’t define me. I will always be here for him if he decides to come up for air. I owe him such a huge thank you. I had no idea I could experience that kind of intense happy. It was truly a gift and I will always hold him in my heart as I have for the last 30 years. I’ve loved him since I was 17 and that hasn’t changed, but we are not going to be what either of us hoped for. I have to just give him my absolute love and gratitude. I don’t hold it against him for not being “it”, but I thank him for reminding me of a time before it all went so…traumatizing. That was so healing and I wish I could return it.
There is a whole “new life” waiting for me to create and play in and I am looking forward to it.