We “broke up”.
Part of me wants to giggle, because I feel so different about this than I ever have before.
Since October, I have felt nothing but confusion and negativity emanating from him. It made me feel…nervous. Still, I opted not to “deal” with my emotion that was a response to him, in the same old ways I have before.
Last night when we talked on the phone, it was just too “back to normal”, like nothing happened. I heard too much fear and denial. I was hurt that I was realizing I finally saw his bubble. I AM clear however, that it is his bubble.
The part of me that has not evolved, wants to call him a coward. The part of me tuned into the cycle of trauma so many people are still trapped in, understands his fear and his inability to know he can BE. I get he doesn’t see his ability. I also realize this is a chance for me to participate further in the drama sprawled out in front of me, and I opt to pass. I still love him, but I am not stuck in his inability to question.
I feel a weight lifted in a way.