I do not like to admit it, but this thing with you has fucked me up.
I will never, ever admit to you, what all I feel, because I can’t even deal with it all. Besides I have learned that over the years when discussing my feelings, often they are invalid.
I just want to process it all so I can put all these icky feelings behind me but it has been so long since I have gone all icky, I feel like I fucking CAN’T! But if I don’t go there and say the things I am feeling, how am I to let go of them?
Where’s my damn congruence!?
I guess the good thing is that I was open, because after WHN, I didn’t think I’d ever be able to open myself up to another person, even to chance getting hurt.
The reason every woman you have ever been with has called you selfish, might have to do with this selfish stunt. This dance you are doing with your depression, the self medicating, the denial and lies…are not fucking gracious.
Your fear must be huge.
My sadness is ginormous, and I need this shit to go away pretty fucking fast, because this is a dance I don’t want to do.
The saddest part, is I understand, don’t judge you, and still love you.