I Aint Afraid…

I would say Think God without Fear.

Because of what has been done in God’s name, and they way we have been controlled for so long by religion (in God’s name), there are many of us who have a hard time with the label we call “God”.

I’m 48 and for most of those years, I’d say God and I’d feel “icky” inside.  I did not feel instant Love. I saw the inconsistencies and hypocrisy of it.

A perfect example was my Born again, neo-conservative, girlfriend I will call Janine. Janine would come to my house and smoke weed with me, because she had to hide it from her husband. She made no bones about the fact that if he ever found her stash in the mini-van, she would blame me. She would sit in my mother’s house, smoking weed, and talking about how she loves the sinner, but hates the sin. That is why it is OK to vote to deny someone else equal rites. Especially if they have no morals and are  deviant in anyway. My mother is a lesbian.

My family comes from a long line of sexual molestation. My father was molested by his mother, though he didn’t see coming home at 16, from a bad day at school and having mom offer you her tit to suckle, as deviant. To him, it was “normal”.

When the chickens began dying, no one could figure out why. Then one day, my father went out back and found an uncle that was living with them, fucking a chicken. My dad freaked out and went to tell his mother, but the uncle, according to my father, stopped him, and talked to him. He told him he should try it before telling his mother. That is how my dad began fucking chickens, but the uncle, he moved onto my dad’s sister. Eventually, so did dad.

Then my older sister was born. From the ages 5-9, my father molested my older sister. I walked in on it and though knew something was wrong…didn’t understand it, or why I was told to NEVER tell. I also never really told, after the first time my sister came at me. She didn’t carry it on too many times, but I “learned” enough.

I said no.

When my father was finally caught, he blamed the devil and said Satan made him do it.

This was my first real life encounter with the ability to scream, “SATAN!” Followed by claiming a love of God and finding Jesus, and being completely and totally forgiven for your sins.

I have watched how religion and politics have done NOTHING but divide us, and keep us at war with each other.

I have tried to very seriously find the meaning of, “The fear of God” and why it is so necessary to fear an all loving benevolent being with a beard, in white robes, living in the clouds, who only wants us to consume and shop, while war, famine, pollution, disharmony, hate, and abuse after abuse abundantly fill a more traumatized world.

It is not that I do not believe in the concept of “God”, but the “God” we have been given is an illusion. I feel it tricks its many worshipers into  worshiping something false, while thinking they are worshipping one thing, they are tricked into accepting  fear as a way of life. They begin to “HAARP” out the energies required to feed a never-ending perpetual cycle.

Like seeks like, as above, so below, water then seeks its own level.

I have had a hard time saying God. I know people who can’t say God. I know one person who doesn’t like to “cap” God, he chooses to mostly write, “god”.  I know people who call it the Cosmic Muffin. I have become partial to The Source, My Creator, The Kiss of Breath.

What I DO KNOW, is that God is Love. Pure and simple. No if’s and’s or buts about it. There is no condition on the Love of God, and no reason for me to fear a man in the clouds.

If you think it is OK for organized religion to live like this:

And it’s OK for this to exist together…

Then you need to do some serious soul-searching.

More crazy to follow.

Oh, and for the record…I REFUSE to be afraid of what you are doing in MY name and in God’s name. ANYMORE!


About iwentcrazy

I am very, very, very average. And very, very, very lucky.

Posted on November 25, 2012, in Crazy, Rabbit Hole, Universe and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. i don’t think of God as a bearded-man in a white robe, i believe he is a spiritual being that lives in the hearts of those that are willing to let him in. i don’t agree with organized religion. i have come across plenty of hypocrites in my time. those that ‘witness’ and profess the word of God, but judge and look down on others. that’s one of the reasons i no longer attend church.

    on another note, Thanksgiving night, my daughter was originally scheduled to work that night, but found that her schedule was changed and no one informed her of that. so, we stood outside of her work with all the other crazies standing in line. i’ve never done Black Friday before, never had the urge to. but when she called me and told me about her schedule change, i decided i might as well go up there with her since i was already up. i wanted to see for myself jsut how crazy people can get. the thing that creeped me out was watching members of a cult in a small town about 20 miles from here, preach to the crowd of people in line about what they believe God is. this same cult let a baby be born at home, never took it to a hospital after it’s birth and then it died a couple of days later. they waited 15 hours before they called 911. what did they do during those 15 hours? they prayed. knowing that members of that same weirdo group were preaching, no, yelling at us…yeah, that freaked me out.

  2. Goody, I know you are a good person and I know what is in your heart. But I can’t help but feel that the masses have been lied to about the truth of it all and I do believe religion is being used against us.
    That doesn’t mean I think “God” is dead. I just mean what some men have done in the name of God, is really evil and I am tired of THAT group twisting the word of Love and using it to their benefit. I think a lot of people have decided to take their power back, but I don’t feel that it has pulled me further from God, but closer to it all.
    I have an aversion to the name “God”, because of things personally witnessed. I don’t know if I ever told you the time I was with my mom and as we went to get in her car, a very large man saw us approaching and began approaching and SCREAMING at us. He was reacting to the little rainbow sticker on her car, but he was also swinging a stick and threatening to kill us.
    My mother started to sort of engage (she still thought logic would work) but I had to shove her in the car, tell her to shut up, AND GO!
    That is not love, that is pure hate and when you evoke God’s name while doing something like prepping to assault or kill me…I feel the disconnect.
    I’m sorry that you have had to stop attending services, because I noticed something last night while talking to someone.
    I feel like the only person for miles around that is seeing everything differently now. I know that is wrong, and I know there are others, but at this point, in my journey, I feel I am walking mostly, alone and when I DO find people who are feeling the same…I talk their friggin head off.
    BTW, you have done more to inspire me and sort of mold my way of thinking by being the one person I have always been able to watch, walk her fucking walk, do it quietly, with purpose, with love, and not brag on it, or condemn others for not dancing like you.
    The fact you and I out of all people have always talked, not just talked, but communicated, tells me much about your heart, which I love as dearly as my own.

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